Splat
by pisces317
Summary: Shep gets attacked by a pineapple then called to the chair room. What happens when you put Rodney, Carson and John in a room full of ancient tech? Read and find out! :  Shep, Rodney and Carson whump. Written for GW's Shep Challenge.


**Disclaimer: **Not mine, just borrowing.

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><p><em>Splat! <em>Something squishy smacked into the side of his head, splattering sticky juice of some kind on his face before it fell to the floor. Lt. Colonel John Sheppard turned to face his fiancée. "Did you just throw a piece of pineapple at me?" he questioned managing to sound indignant when all he really wanted to do was laugh.

Teyla Emmagen laughed a deep, throaty laugh as she did her best to hide the bowl of diced pineapple within her hands. The smile remained when John charged her with a look in his hazel eyes, knocking her back onto their bed, almost making her lose her grip on the bowl of fruit as she landed with a bounce on the mattress.

"You know," John began as he gently nipped at Teyla's neck, "there are many foods I don't mind getting thrown at me but pineapple isn't one of them." John quickly grabbed a piece of the fruit and slowly dragged it down the side of Teyla's face, the sticky line matching the one on his own profile, and ended it at her lips, using the excuse of the juice that lay innocently atop them to lean down and kiss her with all the emotion he could find.

"Colonel Sheppard please come in," Doctor Rodney McKay's grating voice chirped in his ear, startling him and causing him to jerk away from Teyla.

"What Rodney?"

"I need you down in the chair room." And with that the physicist signed off completely, not allowing John to argue against his statement.

Grumpily John stood and stalked out of the room, making his way to the chair room with every pounding footstep. When he reached hearing distance, he couldn't stop the smile that crossed his face as he heard the familiar voices of Rodney and one Doctor Carson Beckett arguing.

"I willnae be sittin' in that chair!" Beckett objected heatedly with as thick an accent as John had ever heard. The two men must have been at this awhile for the doc's normally gentle lilt to be as harsh as it was. He appreciated the fact that Rodney had tried avoiding calling him but he should have known better than to ask _Carson _to help. The man was more than afraid of the chair – he hated the "bloody thing".

"Carson will you pay attention?" Rodney snapped, obviously annoyed with the Scot. The sound of clothes rustling echoed through the empty hall and John assumed he was grabbing something. "I don't want to you sit in the chair, I've got Sheppard coming for that. What I need _you _to do is activate this device."

"You have got to be kidding me!" Carson demanded immediately. "Dunnae think I don' know what happens when someone activates one of those bloody things! I'm usually the one putting them back together again."

"That's not going to happen this time," Rodney automatically assured.

"Oh, ya know that for a fact now do ya?" Carson countered.

"I'm almost, completely, 90% positive nothing like that will happen." Carson scoffed at the vague assurance and another rustle made it sound like he'd thrown his arms in the air then crossed them defiantly over his chest. Deciding it was time to interrupt, John chose that moment to walk in.

"Okay McKay, I'm here. What do you want?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Rodney returned sounding like John was a complete idiot for not knowing. "I want you to turn on the chair."

"Well I know that Rodney, but why?"

"Hm? Oh! I want to test a new power source." Rodney turned his head to glare annoyingly in Beckett's direction. "That is providing _someone _will turn it on."

"Wait a minute," John said waving his hand through the air and a silencing motion. "The new power source is an Ancient device? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?"

"What purpose? Look, you only have to turn in on once then it remains on, providing enough energy to power the chair indefinitely."

John's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Yep. But only if Doctor McSheep Herder here will actually activate the thing!" Rodney waved a hand in Beckett's general direction but didn't take his eyes off John.

"Why cannae the Colonel activate it then turn on the chair?" John had to admit that was a valid point so he turned his gaze to Rodney and waited for the scientist to answer.

"Because the chair has to be already turned on the first time it's connected to the device."

"Kind of like you're synching the two together?"

"Exactly, now if you don't mind I'd like to get this done before lunch and oh look at that, we only have ten minutes!"

The two ATA carriers gave one another skeptical look for a moment before both gave a shrug and walked to the respective places. The chair hummed soothingly under John's touch and he felt the city greet him in response. He instructed the chair to simply remain "on" then explained to a rather curious Atlantis what it was they were doing. He watched through heavily lidded eyes as Carson hesitantly walked up to the device, held onto it with both hands then closed his eyes to concentrate.

Power and energy as such that he has never felt before surged through his veins, causing his back to arch off the chair in surprise and no little amount of pain as it overloaded his sensory perception. A soundless cry escaped out of his gaping mouth as the pain shot through his head, driving several spikes through his brain and stapling his head to the chair. For a minute, agony was all he felt and saw then the black came and there was nothing.

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><p>An annoying beeping was the next thing John was aware of. He squinted, bringing the lids of his already closed eyes closer together in hopes the sound would go away. When it didn't, the pilot opened his eyes to glare at the thing that was making the noise, not surprised when he found himself lying in the infirmary with a very annoyed Rodney in the bed next to him.<p>

"Well, well look who it is – Sleeping Beauty." The physicist drawled, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at John as though the entire situation was _his _fault. "Carson he's awake!"

"Ow Rodney, not so loud," John complained before he had time to think about what was coming out of his mouth.

"Rodney, if ya don't stop yer yellin' I'll make sure that your annual physical comes early. I think it's time for your tetanus shot this time 'round, isn't it?" Beckett came up to the pair of them, glowering at the scientist, making John truly glad he was not Rodney right then.

Still, Rodney wasn't phased. "You don't scare me. You wouldn't be able to give me the shot anyways with that arm of yours." Rodney's head tilted towards Carson's right arm and John's mouth dropped open when he saw a cast protecting the limb.

"Actually Rodney, I could." Beckett countered with a smile. "When you're a doctor, a medical doctor, you learn to be a wee bit ambidextrous. It comes in handy when you have stubborn patients. At any rate, I could easily have Doctor Keller give you the exam. She's no more fond of you than the rest of the staff."

What little color that had been in Rodney's face cleared out at the friendly threat leaving the man looking paler than the pure white sheets he lay between. "You wouldn't."

"Try me Rodney," Beckett replied. It was obvious the Scot was angry at the physicist for his injury. The malady itself wasn't Rodney's fault but the reason Carson had been there in first place was.

"What happened?" John asked, hoping to break up the tension.

"Doctor Voodoo over here overloaded both you and the city," Rodney responded unhappily, pointing his head towards where Beckett stood to the right of his bed. "It caused Atlantis to put a defensive shield so fast, the combined force of the two energy fields caused a wave powerful enough to knock Doctor Voodoo on his face, me over and you off the chair where you quite ungracefully landed on the floor."

"Oh," John answered for lack of anything else better to say. He gave them both a smile that was about as real as cubic zirconium. "Well, that's good to know."

"And Colonel, how are you feeling today?" The false cheeriness in his voice did nothing to fool John. He knew the doc was trying to put on a show of being fine when he was privately still fuming at Rodney and more than a little embarrassed by his lack of control with the ancient technology.

"Alright doc, how about you?" John answered with a nod of his head at the casted arm.

"Och, I'll be fine. It was a clean break thankfully so it should heal fairly quickly." While he talked, Carson presented the arm for presentation but grimaced when he began rotating the limb and drew it back against his body. "Now. How's your head? Do ya need anythin' before I go?"

"Go?" John asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise. It wasn't really like Beckett to leave the infirmary when his friends were there.

"Oh aye. I have a date tonight with Laura that I cannae be late for." Carson smiled brightly, the energy lighting his crystal eyes to an even brighter blue.

"Well what about us?" Rodney griped from beside them.

"What about you Rodney?" Carson returned with a little too much innocence in his voice for John's comfort.

"Why aren't we getting out of here?"

"Oh! You two have stay for overnight observation. Then pending an examination from your attending physician," Carson gave a devilish smile that didn't bode well for either of them, "you'll be released to your quarters for the rest of the week."

"The week!" Rodney screeched just as John said, "I'm sorry what?"

"Well you both have been through something terrible, concussions and all. I don't want you to have to go back to work too soon."

"Hang on," Rodney objected. "Why don't you have to stay off duty for that long? You were in the same accident as us!"

"I'm almost certain I don't know what you're talking about Rodney," Carson answered with the same devilish smile from before. "I got to the chair room just in time for the shock wave to knock me off my feet."

Rodney began to splutter his argument but John could only think of one thing to do. He laughed at the whole situation then grimaced when his miniscule exuberance renewed the throbbing in his head.

"Marie will be by shortly to give you some relief Colonel," Beckett assured soothingly. "You two have a great evening now," he greeted before scampering out of the door as quickly as he could.

As promised, Marie brought a dose of pain medication not long after Beckett left then retreated back to her corner of the infirmary. John fell asleep with an appreciative smile on his face. Oh Beckett would have a heckuva time explaining the entire thing to Elizabeth when she inquired to the whole situation but for now he'd enjoy the freedom that came with being the CMO of Atlantis while John and Rodney were forced to pay the price that came with asking him to do anything concerning the Ancients.


End file.
